Ask anyone who knows me well. I do not like to medicate. I would rather live with a headache than take tylenol. I like to keep my body free from substances... other than the odd beer or martini. (I am Albertan after all... ) I believe that I've always eaten fairly well compared to the majority of North Americans. I do my best to keep the majority of the processed yucky food out of my system. I just don't like to stray too far from the natural. This is why I am a little miffed with the fact that I am the recipient of colon cancer. There are SO MANY people out there with worse habits than me, with more risk factors, with ALL the risk factors, and yet, they are healthy as can be (well, cancer free at least). Sigh. But this mindset does nothing for me. I know deep down that me getting cancer is for a bigger purpose. I don't know what it is yet, but I know that it is. That being said, why can't it be a little easier? I mean, REALLY! The symptoms and the pain just keep coming! It makes me laugh really.
I sat in a Good Friday service yesterday and while the Pastor spoke of being afraid of needles I couldn't help but shake my head. If he was afraid of the pain of needles, then God spare him any major illness! He went on to speak of the pain and suffering that Jesus had to endure to free us from our sins. By his stripes we are healed. This confuses me at times because I don't feel very healed. In fact, the discomfort and pain seem to be worsening. I believe that I am healed. That is not at issue here. I guess I just wonder why I have to endure the pain and suffering. I know there is a reason. I'm just not clear on it. I think though, that what I am experiencing is nothing compared to what Jesus had to endure on the cross. Whether you believe him to be the Son of God or not, the history books have recorded the agony that this man experienced. I would not want to switch places. The worst part of his experience though was at the end when God separated Himself from Jesus. Jesus cried out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?". It was at that time that Jesus experienced the worst pain, the separation from Love itself, the disappearance of his father. This is what Jesus spared us from. He took it all so that we could forever be loved by God. My faith has never been stronger than now. I know that God has not forsaken me and He never will. I am leaning on Him so much right now that I am incredibly grateful that He has such large shoulders. When the physical pain is most agonizing, I reach out, I cry out, I whimper to Him who holds me close. I can feel His presence. And nothing can take that away from me.