Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I'm Special

I am really missing writing my daily blog.  It really wasn't possible while I was hopped up on morphine at the hospital, but I really shouldn't be having troubles doing it now.  It's just that this whole holiday season becomes jam packed with parties and gatherings and shopping and visiting and wrapping and baking and everything else you can possibly think of.  My recovery has been coming along nicely though.  I've been out and about several times in the last week.  It's been somewhat painful, and very tiring, but I've managed to get through.  Today, I didn't even take any drugs!  How proud are you of me?!!

My thoughts the last few days have revolved around numbers.  I know I shouldn't be looking at statistics.  I know I should avoid them at all cost and focus on healing and positive thoughts, but once I got my pathology reports back, I just couldn't resist.  The way I figure it (and my calculations are EXTREMELY rough estimates), I had approximately 1 in 800,000 chance of getting colon cancer between the ages of 20 and 45.  This could result in me saying, "Why me?".  I've already been there though and the answer is, "Why not me?".  I think I've written this in the past.  I figure I'm young and otherwise healthy, so why shouldn't it be me that's given this disease?  I'm probably more capable of fighting it than a lot of other people out there, especially compared to some elderly people.

What the "1 in 800,000" really does for me though is make me think about how special I am.  I know this might sound odd and somewhat goofy, but I figure I must be pretty darn special to be chosen out of nearly a million people!  I just wished it worked in reverse.  I'm thinking maybe I'll stand a better chance at winning the 50 million dollars in the upcoming lottery since I've already won this reverse luck cancer lotto.  Even out the playing field a bit?  C'mon God!  Let me have some money to play with for having to go through all this crap!  Please?!?!  If only the world worked like that...  One can dream.  Sigh.

What I do think is pretty cool though is that my body is responding exactly the way it should be since I had the operation.  I was speaking with my surgeon and she mentioned that I have beautiful physiology (a male surgeon then commented on how only a female surgeon can get away with telling a female patient that. lol).  Apparently, when she looked inside me all my organs were perfectly arranged and in beautiful condition.  What more can I ask for than top marks on my insides from a great surgeon?  It makes me blush.  My healthy insides not only look good though, they are functioning so well it makes me jump around, shaking my booty (not too hard though- don't want to bust a stitch!).  I just had my blood results back from a recent test; my hemoglobin is on the rise in a crazy way!  It's jumped from 79 to 99 in less than 2 weeks! (normal is 120)  That's without any supplements!  It's very exciting to know that my body is doing what it's supposed to be doing.  It is healing itself.  I'm very proud of me.

I guess it's just nice to have a bit of good news now and then.  Cancer can feel like your body has betrayed you.  It feels really good to know that my body is fighting back.  My mind and body are on the same page, working as a team.  I've got a long way to go yet, but a bit of positive news can take me a long way.  It's just the encouragement I need to keep my energy and spirits up to get me through the holiday season.

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